August 24, 2012

More on Procrastination...

For the past two days I have been off. During that time I wrote a reference letter for a friend. Send out a long over due email for a author spotlight in November. And send an e-mail update to someone I am writing an article on.
     Some how I managed to stay off of facebook. However I did watch a bunch of movies that were truly awful. All the while I looked at my laptop and reminded myself I could be doing something positive- writing. But yet I didn't. I went and took a nap instead.
     Before I went to napping I sat on my couch, surrounded by my writing team- a rotty and a golden retriever- who I scolded for not being busy writing by the way, and asked myself the million dollar question. Why are you not writing?
     The answer was part fear- and part not knowing where to go.
     Fear of what, you may ask? Fear that what I write won't be as good as what I imagine in my head. Once I started to write, on my last night off at midnight, was incredible and I hated myself for not jumping in sooner. I wasted two days, I could have been half the way through. But I got held up by fear of not being good enough, so instead I chose not to write. I think I may not ever get that feeling again after last night.
     As for not knowing where to go- I have an outline for the next five or six chapters, but the story writes itself some times. I didn't feel like I would come up with anything worthy so I refused to believe I had a clear and defined path to start with. It is not where I ended up, but it was enough to get me going. I don't think I will make that mistake again either.
     So, from now on the writer in me will have to come up with some new reasons not to do what I love to do so much. And one more reason to want a damn dragon!